Last week it was announced that the former WWE Champion CM Punk will be a writer for Marvel comics. The former WWE superstar and recluse who made his controversial exit from the top Sports-Entertainment company just after the Royal Rumble is no stranger to the “nerd-world” (a term-used endearingly) as he has been at numerous Comic-cons and even had a guest spot on Talking Dead, the AMC Walking Dead wrap-up show hosted by Chris Hardwick.
The self-proclaimed Best in the World is set to pen a script for Thor set to be released by February 2015, but given his penchant for getting people talking he’ll likely be a part of the Marvel family for a long time, so here is a look at the Top Ten super powers that CM Punk will likely use in his comic book storylines!
10. The Thing
photo credit: Marvel
Less of a super power he will use and more of a superhero he’ll use. No secret that Punk is a fan of this Fantastic Four hero; each time he made his way to the ring as a WWE superstar, he would pause at the top of the entrance ramp and shout the hero’s famous phrase, “It’s clobberin’ time!”
9. Super Strength/Speed/Intelligence
photo credit: comicbook.com
Now at first glance the hero endowed with these powers might look a lot like a mashup of DC’s Superman, Flash, Batman, and Marvel’s Ironman probably because that’s exactly what it would be, except without all the kryptonite and daddy issues. The naming committee hasn’t decided what he’d be called, but my vote is simply for “Mr. Best In The World.”
8. Bazooka Arms
photo credit: wikia.com
Hear me out on this one, this would likely be some type of cyborg/six-million-dollar man gimmick who was manufactured after losing his limbs in a horrible accident. He probably wouldn’t look too unlike the Capcom video game character Megaman, this Half-man/Half-machine hero would shoot specially crafted pipe-bombs out of his Bazooka arms!
7. Super-human Endurance
A hero with this power might honestly be a punching bag for the villains that he fights, but it’s ok, because as they get tired and fatigued, this hero will outlast and endure, leading to insurmountable victories! Many heroes see their own defeat from time to time, but no doubt this hero would be the longest reigning undefeated super hero of the modern era!
6. Instant Freezing Ability
photo credit: Comic Vine
Don’t let Arnold Schwarzenegger’s terrible showing as Mr. Freeze in Joel Shumacher’s 1997 film Batman and Robin sour you on the idea of this super power, but one thing that character does demonstrate is that this super power could be used by a hero or villain! The character could easily freeze his opponents temporarily (kind of like Sub Zero from Motral Kombat) and turn them into living popsicles…or better yet those long-awaited Ice-Cream Bars!
5. Serpentile Shape-Shifting
photo credit designer kratos of deviantart.com
Yeah, that’d be the ability to turn into a snake. Granted if we’re talking shape-shifting abilities, why stop at the ability to turn into a serpent? As a heel, Punk had a very snake-like persona, was about as honest as a snake-oil salesman. One of the signature capabilities of an individual with this power would be a super grip like that of a boa constrictor whose squeeze can break bones; you might call it a kind of Anaconda Vise.
4. Straight-Edge Savior
photo credit: simplychurch.com
This is more than just a super power this is the concept of a new hero altogether! Not unlike Punk himself, the Straight-Edge Savior may enjoy Pepsi as opposed to booze, and his main mission in life is not to save people from burning buildings, but save them from themselves by ridding them of their vices not unlike Punk himself. Hey if it catches on they may even want to start some kind of a group, I dunno, I’m just spit-balling here, but maybe a Straight-Edge Society of sorts?
photo credit guycodeacademy.com
Once again, this is a power that may be utilized by a hero OR villain! The holder of this power would put their opponents in a trance-like state and cause them to fall asleep or become unconscious and induce Narcolepsy. No comic book writer other than Punk could introduce such a power to the Marvel Universe with a simple little bedtime gesture and the three little words, “Go To Sleep!”
2. Cloak of Invisibility
photo credit mentalfloss.com
Maybe it manifests as an actual cloak like in Harry Potter, or maybe a Doctor Who-like perception filter, but this super power would come in handy when fighting evil! Why the invisibility cloak? Because Punk definitely knows how to vanish out of thin air as evidenced by his disappearance from WWE television and nigh-on disappearance from the annals of history.
1. Mind Control
photo credit: wwe.com
Like Mussolini, or Kennedy, the holder of this super power would induce his own Cult of Personality. Likely manifesting as a villain, this person would be a talker able to convince people to do whatever he wanted them to do. I imagine this guy as a slick-talking guy in a suit; maybe one who has his own group of muscle-bound genetic freaks that he controls; maybe this guy is balding a little on top, has a sadistic or smarmy smile and takes pleasure in his friends, or maybe even clients, victimizing those who oppose him. Wait, it kinda sounds like if this guy were to introduce himself, he’d say, “Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman…” Well if that’s the case his group of mind-controlled bodyguards would likely be Paul Heyman Guys!
Who knows if we’ll ever see Punk introduce these powers, but if he does, remember that you read about it first right here at Social Suplex!
JC Howard is the Social Media Coordinator at All Pro Wrestling, he hosts a weekly news and current events podcast called “Cut Down with Sickboy & JC,” and is a First Voice Media Apprentice at 94.1 FM KPFA in Berkeley, California.
Hopefully he doesn’t make Thor to his hammer and go home.