Latta : Imagining If The WWE Fielded An NFL Team In An Alternate Universe
Presenting the WWE Professional Football Team Scouting Report
RB #22 – Apollo CrewsThat’s right, we’re going super athletic in the backfield. Led by Crossfit Jesus himself Seth Rollins, playmaking ability will be at a premium for the WWE as Rollins will gain offense not only by way of his arm, but by scrambling, and eventually hurdling defenders like Ezekiel Elliott. Think Steve Young meets Sunshine from Remember The Titans.Not to be outdone, this backfield will be a duel attack, with Apollo Crews running defenders over left and right before flashing his million dollar smile every chance he got to take off his helmet. His physique and athleticism make him a threat to be one of the top backs in the league!
Receiving CoreWR #88 – Kofi Kingston
WR #80 – Cesaro
WR #83 – Neville
TE #87- Sheamus
Leading our receiving core, Kofi Kingston will be our threat to take the top off the defense. Blessed with incredible speed and leaping ability, as well as the gift to assume a Jamaican accent on the drop of a dime to confuse defenders, He’s going deeper than Deshawn Jackson when he runs in straight lines for deep passes that never come from Kirk Cousins.
Flanking Kingston will be Cesaro and Neville, two physical freaks that can take any hit over the middle, with Cesaro being the ultimate red zone threat with his size. Neville will be used in the slot to overpower nickel corners if need be.
Our tight end comes from Ireland, therefore he learned the game late in life, but Sheamus would thrive on headhunting as a blocker, and abusing linebackers and safeties smaller than him deep in the middle of the field. Mentally fragile, the helmet would cover his hideous mohawk, and allow him to play, rather than focus on “You Look Stupid” chants.
LT #76 – Braun Strowman
RT #71- Mark Henry
C #50- John Cena
RG #75- Rusev
LG #79- Kevin Owens
We’ve got the hosses and John Cena here. Cena was a former D3 All-American Center for Springfield College in Massachusetts (my hometown) and he’s got an Olympian, a Super Athlete, a strongman, and Kevin Owens with him to clear the way. We may struggle with Strowman’s foot speed, but his strength will let him throw the D line around with ease.
DT #94 -Titus O’Neil
DE #90 – Jason Jordan
With apologies to Baron Corbin who was on an NFL practice squad, we’re sticking with the more dynamic athletes here. While Titus is a bit older now, his old man strength should be coming in any day. Jordan will come off the edge looking to take every QB to Suplex City, and Reigns will find a place he can finally thrive without having the pressure of carrying the team.
MLB #52 – Big E
ROLB #58 – Jimmy Uso
LOLB #59 – Jey UsoThe key in this linebacking unit is versatility. Our team is about winning by any means, so we aren’t above switching the twins jersey numbers at half time to outwit a scouting report. Either of the four can become a down lineman for a given set, with E able to assume Defensive Tackle duties. Also in piles, Swagger would be of value in case he accidentally put The Patriot Lock on an opponent.
CB #21 – Xavier Woods
CB #25 – Chad Gable
FS #45 – R-Truth
SS #33 – Sin Cara
K #1 – The Miz
Of course, our kicker is The Miz. He’s not really out here for contact, and everyone hates him.
This team went 0-15-1 in an alternate universe, The WWE Universe that is. The tie only coming in a 3-3 gridlock with the Cleveland Browns. But these guys sure entertained the fans despite bad coaching, and the coaches preference to call in retired players for every big game.Got any other players you think should make Team WWE?
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